Pleasant Dreams

**twinkling dream music segue**

Dharma and Greg have to go through a time door to discover what is making them die before their time. Dharma (aka me) decides to ask her father ,Christopher Plummer, to help them.  Sciency conversations ensue in green houses that double as orphanages and puppy stores.

CP is already very old and dying of oldness so when he dies it isn’t a huge shock although everyone is sad. In honor of his life Dharma and Greg do air suspended waltz to Strauss.

This takes place in front of CP’s research  building which is being demolished so that a newer better building can be built for research. Similarly to V for Vendetta, there is a crescendo with fireworks and just before the grand finale Dharma/me does a running jump like a ballerina  shouting:”WHOOSH!” .

Demon Llama!

Featured image

So Eleanor invited me to go to a local safari with her. Some closed pens but mostly a drive through safari. Sweet sheep, cute baby chickens, exotic monkeys,  beautiful peacocks, even some elegant giraffes sound delightful. When you pass through the gates to the drive through the possibilities open up. We didn’t buy a food bucket since the car in front was already feeding the various fauna: deer, bison, gazelles, and llamas.

We stopped to take a photo-with the windows down- (Some of you are ahead of me here but remember that the staff drives people through on golf carts so it wasn’t completely obvious what might follow). The first moment we doubted that decision was when an Ibex stuck his giant face into the car and commenced chewing on my seat belt.

We screamed and laughed as we tried to let him discover there was no food bucket. He wasn’t having it. He just KNEW we had food SOMEWHERE and if we didn’t he would settle for bits of our clothes and dignity. Finally we pushed him back firmly, hoping he didn’t go for our fingers, and rolled up the windows. It worked. My blood was thundering through my ears now.

As we moved on we took a few deep breaths and grinned nervously at each other. Eleanor hit the gas and we were moving on with the safari. And that’s when I looked in my side view mirror to see this chasing our car.

hqdefault

I didn’t know llamas were so fast.

rsz_miguel_tulio_scream_1374*Dainty Screams* 

He came out of nowhere like a lion after a gazelle.

Eleanor could only go so fast without endangering the other animals and her car.  So we just kept driving at a terrified 15 mile per hour clip through hill and valley, to grandmothers house because a llama wants to murder us…We were losing it, crying and laughing and trying to compose ourselves.

I wish I had a recording of the sound I made because it brought tears to Eleanor’s eyes and had her laughing the rest of the safari. Finally the Llama gave up the chase and left us in edgy peace. After a bit we enjoyed some interesting looking cows and some cool African animals I can’t describe because the eyes of the llama were burned into my soul.

The sun set and we drove back into town tired and happy. We were both terrified and amused that day. So it was a great day.

For further proof of the scariness of this encounter please see below:

Demon_6f8559_471119

llama running*in this one we are represented by the front llama.


c1c43c98c3d14c6dd6689ed01d6cf836

Ok…that last one is pretty adorable actually. But still I wouldn’t cuddle one.

Post Social Event Anxiety

Sometimes.I feel anxious when I have had friends or potential friends over and then comes the moment when people are sharing about their lives and stuff. And I decide to join in and end up sharing something so clumsily so that by the end of my story I am convinced that it has had the opposite effect of what i intended. Ok that’s SUPER specific. Generally after a hangout with people I like and want to like me back I  worry incessantly that I did or said something that will make them not like me. That one or two paragraphs that will define our relationship or lack thereof.

Research suggests this is rooted in an unhealthy preoccupation with the self. Which makes sense. I am convinced that I need to calculate and tiptoe my way into a friendship because if I just say something i feel it comes out all wrong and everyone is like “Oh you’re THAT kind of person. Yeah, nevermind  I don’t like you. GOODBYE FOREVER.”

I am trying to tell myself that’s not how it works. Especially considering that these are kind people. But maybe that’s why I fear it. I fear that beneath the surface of kindness and social politeness they are really deciding to avoid me. I guess that’s why if I am apathetic about a relationship or even know I dislike someone then I don’t worry half as much about looking like an idiot.

So rant post today. I hope that writing this makes me stop obsessing. And that publishing it will result in at least one other person feeling relieved that they are not alone. I suppose my best course of action would be to try to do something that others might appreciate and therefore ease my mind? I don’t know. That is still trying to control other people’s impressions of me. . . I wonder what an impression of me would be? I hope it would be as funny as the people online I relate to and can laugh about it. That was a bad sentence. I apologize. I need to go to work now so no time to fix it.

Here are some funny sites I like:

Hyperbole and a Half

The Bloggess

The Toast (mostly Mallory)

….

At least I can laugh about relating to this guy:

d193fceb9dcf976eeb66c9cfd2a294a2

 

That’s all I can think of for now.

 

 

Are YOU suffering from PSEA? (That’s Post Social Event Anxiety.) Let’s start a support group or something. Or tell me about it in the comments, it might make you feel better. Or write your own blog post 🙂 Or keep it your deep dark secret and only write about it on materials you will immediately burn. Ya know whatever 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

Now is pretty nice

1. Eat as much fruit as I want. Fruit is the best.

2. “Warm when I’m cold, cool when I’m hot” house.

3. Have lots of art supplies.

4. Own a lot of my favorite books.

5. Have my own bathroom.

6.Found my one lasting love/best friend.

7. Reference a lot of movies, books, and music in a blog.tumblr_mf6ti9A7xT1rs2qgko1_500What in your present makes you smile? What is exciting and what is calming? What makes you feel happy right now?

My Elinor

1278459036688_f

I think I had a best friend. Our interests usually didn’t match. I love fiction she loves fact. I finger paint, she writes. I stay, she travels. I talked her ears off on endless rabbit trails while she listened and carefully choosing her words not minding the “awkward” silences. She has many friends in places all over the world. I have a few friends locally.

Now that I finally feel comfortable in our friendship it’s changing.It’s been a great year, since she knew she was moving we have made the most of our time. I never knew if I was one of her best friends because she has so many and has a very English way of keeping strong emotions under the surface. I do know that the last few days she has in town she asked to see me more than once and that means the world to me.

I realize now that she is more of a sister to me. She steadied my stormy mind. I made her laugh when she wanted to forget her sorrows. She doesn’t want to cry in front of me and she doesn’t need me to cry in front of her. I’m happy for her new adventure. I’m happy for her new stage of life. And I’m sad for my loss. I know we will keep in touch. I already know I’m going  to write and mail her fun things and be as good a long distance friend I can be. After all is said and done I’m happy to find I have a friend for life.

Sister act: Emma Thompson and Kate Winslet in the 1995 film of Sense and Sensibility.

I Am Made Of References

I feel like the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz or The Wiz or both. I hope you know what I mean because that is as far as my brain gets to accurately describing this feeling. My brain doesn’t seem to produce original material. It seems at some point it decided that recognition of something I enjoy gave me a kind of kinship with the creator that eliminated the need for me to actually create something by myself. I know when I like something. I hold onto it with quotes and pictures and feelings like a child clutches a stuffed animal. Like a robot that only responds when a button is pressed. I want to connect with others but I seem to be only capable of imitating life. I suppose that is how a lot of things come to be, is to start by imitating but it’s awkward nonetheless. If I were better at understanding my feelings I could explain them in less words. And to illustrate my point i’m going to end this with a reference that comforts me.

Sometimes in place of “job” I mentally insert “life”. bKOnkBP